One day an old Cherokee man sits down with his grandson to teach him about life.
“A fight is going on inside my heart,” he says to the boy. “It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil. He is full of rage, jealousy, arrogance, greed, sorrow, regret, lies, laziness, and self-pity.”
He continues, “The other is good. He is filled with love, joy, peace, generosity, truth, empathy, courage, and humility.”
The grandson thinks about this for a few minutes, and then asks his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replies, “The one I feed.”
I was driving my children to Jiu Jitsu and got into one of our deeper conversations. I asked them if they understood the long-term consequences of speaking negatively vs. being complimentary. At their young age it is common to insult and put their sibling, or others down in an attempt to raise their own status. It has counterintuitive results, so it’s odd this would be an innate and instinctive strategy. I walked it through with them. If they insult their brother to friends or family, behind his back, I asked if they thought that would ever get back to their brother. They thought it probably might. Then I asked how that would make their brother feel to know you were talking trash about them behind their back. They said they would feel sad and mad. I asked what they might do in response. They said talk trash about their brother. And thus we end up in a negativity spiral. It could even be referred to as a circle of vengeance.